


Shut your whore mouth, Even. This is not the Fault in Our Stars

by Masterless



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Even and Sonja is only at the beginning, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-30
Updated: 2017-02-27
Packaged: 2018-09-20 22:48:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 20,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9519362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Masterless/pseuds/Masterless
Summary: Even can remember the flare of pain in his chest and his head, the tightness in his throat, and the taste of pennies on his tongue. He remembers Sonja’s hands grasping his arm tightly as he leaned against the wall of lockers in the school hallway. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't feel the tips of his fingers. Black dots swam in front of his eyes, the world tilted, and everything went dark.Just Sonja’s frightened voice rang out in that darkness, repeating his name, calling for help. Then, there was nothing.





	1. The beginning

Even can remember the flare of pain in his chest and his head, the tightness in his throat, and the taste of pennies on his tongue. He remembers Sonja’s hands grasping his arm tightly as he leaned against the wall of lockers in the school hallway. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't feel the tips of his fingers. Black dots swam in front of his eyes, the world tilted, and everything went dark.

Just Sonja’s frightened voice rang out in that darkness, repeating his name, calling for help. Then, there was nothing.

 

***

“But why does he have to be here?” 

“Because you’re both in long term care, and you’re room had an opening, Isak.”

“But-”

“No buts, Isak. He’s sick, just like you, okay?”

There was a grumbling, but no more words. There was a pin prick of pain on the back of Even’s hand, another at the crook of his elbow. A think blanket spread across his chest, a plump pillow beneath his head. He could hear the beeps and sghs of machines, but he was too tired to care. There was a mask over his nose and mouth, but again, he didn’t care. He just wanted to sleep.

***

A hacking cough woke him. His eyes felt heavy as they took in the dim light, the curtain separating the two beds, and the star sticker cover ceiling.They caught and held his attention for longer than they should have, but he couldn’t be blamed. He was tired and they were glowing.

Another cough distracted him from the stars, and he turned his head left to look at the curtain.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

The coughing stopped and a tentative hand crept around the curtain, pulling it to the side slowly. The boy that stood there was beautiful, in Even’s opinion, but obviously very sick. He had a cannula, an oxygen tank next to his bed, and skin so pale it was almost translucent. His blond hair looked limp and his eyes, a stunning green, were lined with a tired wariness. He looked like he was very close to giving up.

“Am I okay?” he repeated.

Even nodded. “Are you okay?”

“Uh…” the boy looked around, an amused smile tilting his lips. “We’re in a hospital.”

Even shot up, a stab of pain in his chest once more. “What?”

The boy took a step towards him, placing a cold hand on Even’s shoulder. “Hey, it’s okay.”

Even started to cough, clutching his chest, calmed slightly by the presence of the cool hand on his shoulder. The monitor he was plugged into started to beep frantically, and suddenly nurses were rushing into the room, along with Even’s parents.

“Isak, bed,” a stout man ordered in a no argue voice.

The boy, Isak, stepped back to his bed, curling his thin legs under himself as he watched with a sort of detached terror.

Even could only remember coughing this bad once before, a few months ago when he had gotten pneumonia. He knew that this level of coughing had made him vomit, and could feel the bile rising in his throat now, too. One of the nurses must have realised something like this was going to happen, because suddenly there was a bucket under his face and he was sicking up whatever was in his stomach, which didn’t seem to be much. 

The vomiting turned to dry heaves shortly, and Even got control of his breathing soon after. He felt exhausted, and like he was going to cry. His eyes and nose stung with tears, his throat burned, and his whole body hurt. He felt his mother wrap her arms around him.

“Oh, my baby,” she whispered, stroking his sweaty hair. “Oh, my sweet, sweet baby.”

Even was crying before he knew he was, but once again he was too tired to wipe them away. “Why am I here?”

His dad sat next to his mother and put his stunningly warm hand where Isak’s cold one had been minutes ago. “We’re trying to figure that out, son. It’s something to do with your heart, that’s all they’ve told us.”

Even unconsciously brought his hand to splay across his chest, as if he could heal himself with one gesture. “So I didn’t do anything wrong?”

“Wrong?” his mother repeated. “Even, what would you have done wrong?”

“I don’t know,” Even sighed. “Something with my messed up head.”

“Hey, now,” his dad scolded. “What have I told you about saying that?”

Even smiled weakly. His mother leaned down so they were both laid down on the small hospital bed.

“Come on, baby, get some sleep, okay?” his mother whispered, pulling him tight to her. She wiped the tears from his face and kissed his forehead, and started to sing a lullaby she hadn’t sung since Even was three.

No one seemed to notice the other boy in the room, watching with a small pang of loneliness.


	2. The New Guy

When Even woke up again, his mother was still there, but it was bright in the room. It was morning, and a gentle rumbling snore was coming from the other side of the room. Even turned his stiff neck to look at Isak’s side of the room, but the curtain was pulled closed again.

“Hey, baby,” his dad said, smiling tiredly at him from the door. He was holding two cups of coffee and a bag of pastries. “How you feeling this morning?”

Even shrugged. To be honest, his chest was still painful, but it was dull and far away. His brain felt foggy, which must have had something to do with the IV drip in his arm. Maybe he was put on some kind of pain drug.

“I’m okay,” he said.

His dad pointed to his own chest. “In here?”

Even nodded.

His dad repeated the motion to his own head. “In here?”

Even smiled and nodded again. “What’s in the bag?” He tried to sit up but his body felt heavy.

“Woah, there you go,” his dad said, putting the breakfast on the bedside table and helping his son sit up. 

Mrs. Bach Næsheim stirred awake at the movement, and smiled up at her son. She sat as well and stretched her stiff limbs, taking the coffee her husband gave her with a smile of gratitude.

There was an annoyed moan from the other side of the room, a shuffle of fabric, and then the curtain was being drawn open. Isak stood on the other side, a scowl on his face, a red snapback perched on his adorable head. His hair curled around the edges, near his ears. He was wearing baggy sweatpants and a hoodie that looked like it had been the right size at one point in time, but was now far too big. 

“God morgen,” Even said with a smile.

Isak’s scowl deepened, and he left the room, wheeling his oxygen tank after him. 

“Guess someone’s not a morning person,” Even mused, and his parents chuckled.

“Maybe we were being too loud,” Even’s dad said.

Even hummed his agreement, reaching for the bag his father was handing him. Inside, there was a cheese danish, Even’s favourite. Even decided that, if this place had good cheese danishes, then it couldn’t be that bad.

***

Even didn’t remember falling asleep again, but when he woke up, it was evening and he was being shaken awake by a nurse.

“Hala, Even,” she smiled, helping him to sit up. “Would you like some dinner?”

His stomach rumbled loudly at the mention of food. “Yes, please.”

A tray of food was placed in front of him. The nurse gave him one last smile and opened the curtain dividing the room to give Isak his diner. Only, Isak wasn’t there.

“Oh, not again,” the nurse sighed. “You didn’t happen to see where he went?”

Even shook his head. “I haven’t seen him since he left this morning.”

The nurse nodded and left in pursuit of her missing patient.

Even tucked into his food. There was two slices of cheese toastie, a boiled egg, a cup of what looked like cantaloupe, and a small cup of chocolate pudding. Even inhaled the food, not realizing until then how hungry he was. He was using his finger to get the last of the pudding out of the cup when Isak walked in.

“You know you can ask for seconds,” he said, looking tired.

Even smiled at his roommate, putting the empty pudding cup down. “Where did you go?”

Isak sat down on his bed, pulling off his shoes and sighing. “I went to my friends room to sleep.”

“Were we being too loud?”

Isak glanced over at Even, seeing the true curiosity on his face. “Nei, I’m just a light sleeper.”

“Well, I’m a heavy sleeper,” Even said with another smile. “You know what they say, opposites attract. We were meant to be together.”

Isak rolled his eyes but smiled at Even. “So, are you having fun here yet?”

Even looked down at his empty plate and then around the room. His side was plain and featureless, but Isak’s side of the room had movie posters and photographs of him and friends. There were personal items strewn around his side of the room, a skate board, some hats, a few video games. 

“I mostly slept,” Even answered. “I didn’t do much.”

“I know, I-”

“Isak Valtersen, what have I told you about wandering around the hospital?” The nurse from earlier was back, with another oxygen tank. “You missed lunch and your chemo.”

Isak shrugged. “It’s not doing anything anyway.”

The nurse sighed and made her way over to him, wheeling the tank behind her. “If you were any later back here, you might have gone without this.”

Isak shrugged again, but let her change the tanks out and check his tubes. 

“All that running around and avoiding the nurses is going to come back to bite you in the butt, young mister,” the nurse scolded him. “Just hope that you don’t get even sicker because of it.”

Isak’s eyes flickered to Even’s, and a bright blush painted his cheeks. Even smiled and sat back, watching Isak get slightly manhandled by the nurse. When she was done, she gave him his dinner and left the room, shaking her head.

“So,” Even said. “Chemo?”

Isak shrugged again, hunching over his food. He, like Even, had gotten cheese toasties, but he wasn’t as enthusiastic as Even had been. He picked at the cheese and prodded it, taking small bites between heavy breaths. “Small cell lung cancer. Your average Hazel Grace.”

Even snorted. “She had thyroid cancer.”

Isak looked up at Even with an annoyed face. “Why do you know that?”

“Why don’t you?”

Isak rolled his eyes again, going back to his food. His cheese toasties were cold and the cheese was going hard on the top.

“Wonderful conversation,” Even smiled.

Isak let out a huff of laughter, a small cough following it. “What do you want to know?”

“Why you’re here.”

Isak shook his head but leaned back against his pillows and faced Even. “My dad used to smoke really bad, but only when my mum wasn’t in the house. He’d have me stand as a lookout for him to see if she was coming, and I would breathe in the smoke. Small cell lung cancer is more prevalent in smokers. It didn’t help that in my first year at Nissen I smoked a shit tonne of weed. I got diagnosed a few weeks before the start of the school year and have been here every since. The chemo worked for a little but then the tumors in my lungs started to resist the treatment, so I’m probably going to get radiation next.” Isak took in a deep breathe. “About a week ago my doctor noticed that I have fluid in my lungs, too, which is great, because, you know, who really wants to breathe?”

Even snorted, smiling and shaking his head. “That must suck.”

Isak nodded, closing his eyes. “Yep. Why are you here?”

Even shrugged, but realised Isak would have been able to see. “I don’t know. I don’t really remember coming here, but I do remember passing out in school.”

“Wait.” Isak opened his eyes. “Do you go to Bakka?”

“Yeah. Why?”

Isak sat up again. “My friend from school told me there was this huge investigation going on because one of the third years at Bakka passed out. They’re being looked into to see if the school work is causing undue stress or some bull shit like that. That was you?”

Even nodded. “I guess so.”

“Wow. Magnus is going to flip when he finds out I know the person who caused the school to be investigated.”

Even laughed.


	3. Can You Hold Me?

Even didn’t know what woke him up. He lay there, listening to the beeps and whistles of the machines around him, and then caught the sound of a very low keening sound. It stopped and started irregularly. The keening ended with a muffled sob, and Even realized it was Isak on the other side of the partition. They had closed it when they went to sleep, not long after their talk, for the privacy.

“Isak?” Even whispered.

There was another sob. Even got out of bed, felt the cold floor beneath his feet, opened the curtain, and shot over to Isak’s side. 

Isak was curled up on his side, knees touching his chest, arms clenched tightly around his head. He was crying, biting his lip so harshly he was bleeding. Even put his arms around the prone boy and was immediately clutched to. Even rocked him and whispered soothing things into Isak’s curls.

“What’s wrong, Isak?” he asked softly.

“My head,” Isak whimpered. “It hurts so bad….”

Even looked around and his eyes caught on the call button. He pressed it twice, holding Isak tightly as he cried.

A very tired looking nurse came into the room, rubbing his eye and saying, “Isak, what have we told you about pressing the call button when you don’t need it?”

“Well, he fucking needs it,” Even yelled, shocking the nurse into action. 

Two more nurses were called into the room, more awake than the last one. They wheeled Isak’s bed out of the room, leaving Even alone, tear stained, and worried.

***

Even didn't sleep for the rest of the night. He didn't eat the breakfast they gave him, and was silent throughout his chest scans and blood tests. He grunted at the nurses when they asked him question, his eyes constantly watching out in the hallway, hoping to see Isak’s golden hair curled around the edges of his SnapBack. But he didn't see the teen, not until he went back to his room.

“Isak!” Even grinned widely, gaining a feeble smile in response. Even sat on the edge of Isak’s bed, holding his hand, still cold. “What happened?”

“He had too much liquid in his lungs.” Even hadn't even noticed the adult in the room. She looked like Isak, but skinny, with long wavy blond hair. “He moved around too much yesterday, he went too far, pushed his body too much. Not enough oxygen was getting to his brain.” The woman shook her head, a few tears escaping her eyes. “My baby…”

Isak looked uncomfortable.

“You must be Isak’s mother,” Even said, holding out a hand. “I'm Even.”

But she ignored him, looking at Isak like he was the only thing in the world worth looking at.

“Mama,” Isak said. “Even is speaking to you.”

“She doesn't care,” came a voice from the door. Even turned to see a man, also similar in appearance to Isak, but with a thick mustache. “Hi, I'm Isak’s Dad.” He held out his hand in greeting.

Even shook it, cringing inwardly at the limpness of his hand.

Isak’s hand in his was clammy, and he clutched on to Even’s hand like it was a lifeline. Isak’s mum looked up at his dad, scowling and shaking her head.

“How could you say I don’t care about my own son?” she whispered angrily. “I care about him more than you do, I care about him more than anyone!”

“Oh, really?” Isak’s dad asked sarcastically. “Is that why you didn’t take him to hospital until he nearly died? Is that why you haven’t come to any of his appointments? Is that why-”

“Oh, like you did?” Isak shot out. His voice was weak, but he was mad. “Like you came to all of my appointments? Like you were even home to see I was sick? Like you weren’t on the other side of the country fucking some underaged chick you met on tindr?”

Isak’s dad looked taken aback. His cheeks went red, and his eyes went to the floor.

“See?” Isak’s mum said, taking his other hand. “See, baby, he doesn’t care about you, he doesn’t want to be here, but I do, I-I know I haven’t been the best mother, but I care about you. I want to be here. I want to help you.”

Isak nodded, not looking at her, but looking at Even.

“I think,” Even said slowly, taking what he hoped was the right que from Isak, “that Isak is tired, and would like to be left alone.”

Isak smiled weakly again, but nodded his agreement.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, son,” Isak’s dad said, already walking out.

“Oh, baby, baby.” His mother kissed his shoulder, patting his hair with shaking hands, and got up to leave. “I will see you soon, my precious little boy. God be with you.”

Isak closed his eyes after she left, letting a stray tear fall. Even stood to go as well, but, with surprising strength, Isak pulled him back.

“Can you do that again?” Isak mumbled. “What you did last night?”

“Call the nurses?”

“Nei. Can… can you hold me?”

“Of course.”


	4. Shot to the Heart (And No One is to Blame)

That’s where Even’s parents found them the next day, both asleep in Isak’s bed, Even wrapped comfortingly around Isak. They had been called in to go over Even’s test results and to bring him some personal items, like clothes and his phone. Even’s mother was crying, clutching a blanket she had made for Even when he was young. It had been blue all those years ago, but now it was more of a dull grey. There were dinosaurs on it. 

Even’s doctor was with them, and smiled gently at the sight. He understood that patients needed one another, and was happy to see that Isak had opened up so willingly to Even.

“Why don’t you go wait outside while I wake him up?” Doctor Olson suggested.

They nodded, leaving Even’s things neatly on his bed.

Doctor Olson shook Even’s shoulder, trying not to wake Isak, but failing. Both boys groaned at the intrusion to their sleep, and glared accusingly up at the doctor.

“Morning boys,” Olson smiled. “Even, your parents are here, we need to go over your results with you.”

Even nodded, quickly following him out into the hallway. He knew it couldn’t be anything good when he saw the tears on his mother's face and the clench in his father's jaw. His dad reached out for him and held him tight, rubbing his arms, trying to be comfortingly.

“What’s going on?” Even asked.

“Let’s go to my office, shall we?” Doctor Olson asked, leading them away with a motion of his arm.

His office was furnished like most Doctor’s offices. His credentials plastered on the wall in case anyone dared to question his ability. There were three chairs in front of his desk, each low and soft. There were books lining one wall, and photo’s of Doctor Olson’s husband and children on his desk. Even suddenly realized he hadn’t reached out to Sonja once while he was there, he hadn’t even thought of her.

“So,” Olson said as he sat down. “Even, as you know, we did several tests yesterday to determine what caused your heart attack.”

“I had a heart attack?” Even asked. “But I thought I just fainted?”

Olson nodded. “When the paramedics got to you, they had to restart your heart, so they were guessing you had a severe heart attack. Now we can say that your heart muscles are weakening, deteriorating. If you exert yourself too much, your heart may not hold up. Your heart has become enlarged, most likely because of a lung infection gone bad, but the enlargement has contributed to the deterioration. Now,” Olson sighed. “If we had found this out earlier, then we could have reversed the effects, gotten your heart healthy again.”

“But…” Even swallowed, his hand going to his chest unconsciously again. “You can’t do that now?”

Olson shook his head. “We can give you some medication to slow the process, but you will need a heart transplant.”

Even felt his parents take his hands.

“But, it’s not easy to get a heart, right?” Even asked.  
“It’s… not, you’re right. And because you are AB negative, which is a rare blood type, and because of your mental illness, you won’t be put high on the organ transplant list.” Olson took off his glasses and looked at Even with sad eyes. “Do you understand what that means?”

Even nodded. It meant that he was more likely to die in this hospital than be saved in it.

***

Even hadn’t eaten his breakfast or his lunch. He had pretended to be asleep, wishing he could be asleep, wishing he could let go and die. But he didn’t really want to die. He didn’t really want to leave, but he didn’t want to be sick, he didn’t want to have a fucked up heart and a fucked up brain. 

“Even?” His mother was back. “Even, Sonja has come to visit.”

Even turned away from the door, looking out the window past Isak’s profile. Even got the familiar itch in his fingers to draw, but he didn’t have the energy. 

“Even, sweety?” It was Sonja now, sitting on the bed behind him, placing her burning hot hands on Even’s exposed shoulder. “Baby, it’s me. You feeling down?”

Even nodded. 

“Okay, baby. What do you want to do? Do you want me to leave.”

Even nodded again.

“O-okay.” Sonja stood, leaned down to kiss Even’s temple, and followed his mother out into the hallway.

Even could hear his mother telling Sonja what was wrong with him, the heart condition.

“So,” Isak said, looking over at him. “Are you depressed?”

Even shrugged. “Bipolar.”

“One of my best friend's mum is bipolar. She’s a nice lady. She makes the best cakes in the world.”

Even huffed out a laugh, shaking his head to himself. “Isak?”

“Ja?”

“Would you mind sleeping with me again?”

Isak smiled. “I would, but I can’t really leave my bed. My doctor put a tube in my chest to drain the fluid from my lungs, so I have to stay here.”

“Can I sleep with you then?”

“Of course.”

Even got up, his boy feeling heavy and longer than normal. He crawled up into Isak’s bed, careful of all the tubes and wires hooked up to Isak, and rested his head on the younger boys chest.

“This okay?”

“Ja.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

Even smiled. “Maybe okay will be our-”

“Shut your whore mouth, Even. This is not the Fault in Our Stars.”


	5. First Kiss, Last Goodbye

"Isak!"

Even looked up from his own bed to the group of boys coming into the room.

“Hey, boiiiis!!” Isak greeted, smiling wide and holding out his hand to grasp his friends hand. “What’s up?”

“Not much,” one said. He had the thickest eyebrows Even had ever seen, but it fit on his face.

“Ah, come on, tell me something interesting!” Isak flopped back on his bed. “I’ve been stuck in here all this time, you gotta tell me that something has happened since the last time you came to visit.”

“Well,” another one said. He had long blond hair. “You know that guy at Bakka who passed out? There are rumors that it was because the school pumps chemicals into the air to make the students less argumentative.”

“That’s bull shit,” Isak said, shaking his head. “He didn’t pass out because the school is trying to control the students.”

“How do you know?” the last one said. He wearing a snapback like Isak, but his was blue instead of red.

Isak opened his mouth, but closed it again and looked over at Even. The three boys turned to him as well, and Even gave a small wave.

“Hi,” Even said. “My name is Even, and I’m the guy that passed out at Bakka.”

“What?” the long blond haired one asked. “You? No way! Why’d you pass out?”

“Magnus!” Isak scolded. 

“It’s chill,” Even said. He turned back to Magnus, smiling and placing his hand over his chest. “My heart isn’t strong enough to pump my blood sometimes, and I passed out because my heart was working too hard to get blood to my brain, which wasn’t getting enough oxygen.”

“So,” Magnus said slowly, “the school isn’t poisoning the air supply?”

Even laughed. “Nei.”

Magnus pouted, sitting down on the edge of Isak’s bed. “Well this story isn’t all that interesting anymore.”

“Magnus!” Isak scolded again. “He’s sick, have some respect.”

“Right!” Magnus said, nodding his head. “Sorry, Even.”

“It’s chill.”

“Uh, Even,” Isak said with a slight cough. “This is Jonas,” he pointed to eyebrows, “and this is Mahdi,” he pointed to his black friend with the blue snapback.

Even nodded and shook their hands, smiling.

“So, Jonas, how’s Eva?” Isak said.

Jonas shrugged. “We broke up.”

“Again?” Isak asked, sitting forward. “Sorry, dude.”

“Na, it’s chill. She cheated on me with this girl called Noora, it’s nothing huge.”

“Dude,” Even interjected. “You got cheated on, it hurts.”

Jonas nodded but shrugged again, looking down at his hands. He looked like he wanted to talk about it, but he didn’t want to talk about it with Even around. That weird shy thing guys did about their feelings around other guys they didn’t know. Let the other guy think they didn’t have any emotions at all.

“Dude, Even’s chill, you can talk in front of him,” Isak said, fixing his cannula. “We’ve slept together, it’s fine, he’s cool with emotions.”

“What?” Magnus exclaimed. “Tell!”

“What?” Isak looked genuinely confused. “Tell what?”

“You just said you’d slept with him,” Jonas said. “We know you told us you were gay but we didn’t think you’d be that flippant about sleeping with someone.”

“What?” Isak shook his head vigorously. “Nei, nei, nei! I meant we slept in the same bed, I’m not- he’s not like that!”

“How do you know?” Even asked with mock hurt. “I thought what we had was special, Isak!”

“You have a girlfriend!” Isak pointed out. “She was in here yesterday, you told her to go away!”

“If he told her to go away it seems that he isn’t that into her,” Mahdi said, laughing. “He seems more into you!”

Isak was blushing and breathing heavy. “But… but he has a girlfriend, there’s nothing between us, nothing!”

“I thought this was special to you, Isak,” Even laughed, feeling happier than he had in a few days. “This meant something to me!”

“Shut up!” Isak laughed, flipping him off. “We were going to t-talk about-” his sentence was interrupted by a painful sounding cough, causing Isak to shake and double over.

The boys moved into action faster than Even would have thought possible. Jonas was holding Isak by the shoulders, moving him back to open his airways, Mahdi grabbed the waist basket in case Isak was going to throw up, and and Magnus was at the door calling a nurse. Even raised his eyebrows at their speed and efficiency, surprised.  
A nurse poked her head into the room, then ducked out for a few minutes before returning with a breathing mask. She replaced Isak’s cannula, rubbing his back to calm him down. She nodded at Jonas, who nodded back.

“Keep an eye on his heart,” she told the other four boys in the room. “If he gets too excited, he won’t be able to breathe enough, which will cause the coughing.”

They all nodded.

They sat in silence as the nurse left.

“So…” Magnus said. “Jonas, you got cheated on by a lesbian?”

And like that, the tension was gone.

“I don’t think that Eva’s a lesbian, she might be bi, or pan, or something, but yeah, she cheated on me. And she actually enjoyed it, not like when she cheated with Chris P.”

“Urgh, don’t remind me of Penetrator Chris,” Isak groaned, laid back on his bed. “Bad memories. Bastard.”

“Why- why is he called Penetrator Chris?” Even asked.

“Oh!” Magnus said. “There was this Russ group at our school last year called the Penetrators, who were this huge group, and…”

Even listened as Magnus went on and on, obviously very excited to have someone to tell.

***

The weeks went on pretty much like that. Isak’s boys became Even’s boys, too, keeping them both updated on what Even affectionately called “the outside world”. Sonja started coming less and less, staying for short times. The last time she came was only for five minutes. She was supposed to be coming by to give Even his homework, but she texted saying she wasn’t going to make it.

“So, what’s going on with you and Sonja?” Isak asked one afternoon.

They were both laid in Even’s bed, Isak on his phone and Even drawing. He had been trying to get the curl of Isak’s cheeks just right for about an hour, and wanted rip his hair out.

“I don't know,” Even answered. “I don't know if she's dealing well with me being sick. I mean, she's okay with me being bipolar, but that's not terminal.”

Isak looked up at him. “Wait, what?”

Eve shrugged. “I need a new heart, but I don't know if I'll get one.”

Isak’s eyes went funny, like he was seeing through Even, seeing into him. “Why are you so cool about it?”

Even smiled. “Because death is a part of life, and we all have our time.”

“Fuck that,” Isak argued. He sat up in the bed and turned so he was facing Even. “Life needs to be taken by the balls and told to fuck off, let us do what we want to do! I'm going to die sometime soon, too, but that doesn't mean I'm okay with it. I'm going to fight until I can't.”

Even didn't know exactly what made him do it, but then he didn't know what made him do a lot of things. He impulsively got a tattoo of a muffin on his left hip and he didn't know why. But he likes that muffin, and he liked what he was doing then. 

Isak had soft lips, and he was a good kisser, even if he was surprised at first. Hands grasped and mouths opened, breaths were exchanged and hearts thumped loudly. 

“Even,” Isak breathed quietly. “Even I can't breathe.”

Even pulled away, trying to steady his breath. His chest ached painfully, his heart going too fast. It didn't help that Even choice that moment to notice Sonja at the door, looking sad but not surprised.

“Sonja,” Even said, at a loss for words. 

“I get it,” she said. “He's cute, he knows what you're going through.”

She walked into the room and placed his course work on his bed, along with a sweater he didn't remember he owned.

“I just came to say goodbye,” she said. “I'm so sorry, but it's too much for me. I just… I don't want to be here to lose you. You know?”

Even nodded, feeling his stomach grow tight. “Better to cut the cord.”

Sonja hugged him, crying. “I'm sorry, Even.”

“I know.” He let her go. “I know.”

He watcher her leave.


	6. I'm Not Getting Better

Isak’s hair was softer than Even thought. Most of Isak was soft and touching him was something Even liked a lot. Even touched him softly, watching Isak smile or shift closer to his hands. Isak liked the attention he was getting from Even, even if he would never admit it to anyone else. Even’s fingers were soft on his cheeks, in his hair, tracing the bones at the base of his throat. Even made him feel good, made him feel cared for in a way his parents could do, in a way that his doctors couldn’t do.

“Sing me a song,” Isak mumbled, his head tucked into the crook of Even’s neck.

“A song?”

“Ja.”

Even was silent as he thought. “Okay. Har aldri kjent meg så naken. Som når eg klamret, meg til det eg visste var vekk. Har aldri sett meg tilbake. Har allti tenkt det ble bedre så lenge eg holdt kjeft, Men når eg står i din gate, Kan eg huske at du var en annen igår, Eg har'sje lyst å si hade, D blir'sje lettere selv om eg vet at eg må-”

Isak’s nose scrunched up. “Is that Gabrielle?”

“Ja, do you not like her?”

Isak shook his head.

“What kind of music do you like, then?”

“I like NWA.”

Even snorted. “Jesus, you really are an angsty teenage boy.”

Isak shrugged. “I think I have the right to be.”

Even laughed.

Isak moved closer, placing kisses along Even’s jawline, nipping at the skin on the skin on the side of his neck. Even sighed, smiling at Isak’s attention. Isak shifted so that he was on top of Even, reaching his cold hands under Even’s shirt, pushing it up and kissing down Even’s chest. He kissed both of Even’s nipples, flicking his tongue against them, chuckling at the hitch in Even’s breath. He left a trail of kisses down Even’s stomach, around his belly button, down to the hem of his jeans. His fingers were working on the button when Even pushed his shoulder lightly.

“I-Isak, stop,” Even panted. “Please.”

Isak looked up at Even, confused. Even’s cheeks were flushed and his eyes slightly glazed over, but he looked like he was in pain.

“What’s wrong?” Isak crawled back up the bed, taking Even’s face in his hands. “Even, what’s wrong?”

“My chest,” Even struggled. “It hurts. My heart’s… to fast.”

Isak nodded, reaching up and stroking Even’s hair. They sat like that for a while, Even trying to calm down and quell the pain in his chest, Isak holding him.

“I’m sorry,” Isak said. “I just wanted you to feel good.”

“It’s okay,” Even whispered. His breathing was shallow and slow.

“When I die,” Isak started.

“I don’t want to think about that,” Even interrupted. “You’re going to get better, and we’re going to get married and have two kids and a dog.”

Isak laughed. “We’re going to get married?”

Even nodded.

“Okay,” Isak said. “But just listen. If I die before you get a new heart, I want you to have mine, okay?”

Even looked up at Isak. “Do you know your blood type?”

“Ja, it’s, uh, I think it’s A positive.”

“Then I can’t have your heart. We don’t have the same blood type.”

“Oh.”

Even curled up closer to Isak. “But thank you for the offer.”

***

Even woke up to the sound of retching. The bed was empty beside him, and Isak’s bed was empty, too.

“Isak?” Even called out.

“I’m okay,” came a weak response.

Even got to his feet and padded to the on suite bathroom, pushing the door open and walking in. He knelt down next to Isak and brushed his sweaty hair from his face, patting his back soothingly.

“Come on,” Even said. “It’s okay to not be okay.” He laughed a little to himself. “That’s why we’re here.” 

Isak smiled weakly, leaning forward to spit into the toilet bowl. “I just wish I’d get taken off the damn chemo. It’s not doing anything.” He ran his hand through his hair. “Just glad I haven’t gone bald.”

“Yeah, I don’t know if I would have kissed you if you were bald,” Even joked. 

He helped Isak to his feet, walking them both back to bed. He tucked Isak into one side of the bed, walking to pull the waste basket over, huffing a little at the weakness in his arms. He tucked himself into bed next to Isak, pulling the younger boy to him.

“Sleep, baby,” Even said.

***

Isak had gone to chemo before Even woke up. He wasn’t in the bed, and when Even raised himself up to look around, pain seared through his chest. He flopped back down on the bed, trying to control his breathing. He prodded his chest with his fingers, which felt tight and itchy. Looking down at his hands, Even saw they had swollen slightly, making it hard to close his fists. 

“What?” he mumbled to himself.

“Morning sunshine!”

Even looked up at the nurse wheeling in lunch.

“Or should I say afternoon?” she laughed. “You want soup or a sandwich?”

Even stomach flipped at the sight and smell of the food. “Neither.”

The nurse frowned at him, curious. “Why not?”

“I just… I’m not hungry.”

“Oh.” The nurse looked down at her cart of food. “Well, which would sound better if you were hungry?”

Even sighed. “I don’t know? Soup, I guess.”

The nurse nodded. “Okay. I’ll save a soup for you for dinner. I am going to keep a record of this though. It’s not good if you’re not eating.”

“Okay,” Even said, wishing the nurse would leave. Talking had made him tired, and he just wanted to sleep more.

She gave him a pitying smile and left, leaving Even alone with his thoughts. He didn’t know why he was this tired. He wasn’t in a depressive episode, at least he thought he wasn’t. Maybe he was a little lower than usual because of what was going on, no one could blame him, but Even felt emotionally and mentally okay. Physically he felt heavy and itchy.  
He looked down at his hands again, curling them into fists and trying to move the blood in his hands back up into his arms. His fingers were still swollen. He thought they kind of looked healthier than his hands normally looked, less spindly, but they definitely weren’t the size they normally were. He tried to sit again, slower this time and careful. He pulled his legs under him to cross them, but noticed that his ankles were swollen, too.

“What?” he mumbled to himself again.

There was a shuffling noise at the door and Isak was back in the room, looking both upset and angry.

“Hey,” Even said as Isak came to sit next to him.

Isak wrapped his arms around Even’s neck and leaned into him, letting everything go. Even held him as he cried, running his hands over Isak’s back through the heartbreaking sobs. Even felt the nubs in Isak’s spine, counted each one, from the top of his neck to his lower back. Isak’s sobs turned to hiccups, which turned to slow, deep breaths.

“Hey,” Even whispered. “What’s up?”

Isak shook his head, still clinging to Even like his life depended on it. “I thought that if I had to find out again it would be easier.”

“Had to find out what?”

Isak held on to Even tighter. “You know how my chemo hasn’t been working?”

“Yeah?”

Isak took a deep breath and pulled away slightly to rest his forehead on Even’s. They looked at each other with sad and confused eyes.

“The tumors in my lungs, they… they go bigger, and they spread to the lining of my chest cavity.” Isak’s eyes were remarkably hazel this close up. Even could see the flecks of green in his eyes. “I’m not getting better. I’m getting worse.”


	7. Don't Sugar Coat It Then

Even was not afraid of his own death. He had never been afraid of his own death, because he knew that everyone was always alone and that the only way to have something forever was to die. He was, though, afraid of Isak’s death. He didn’t want Isak to die, he wanted both of them to get better and live together like he said, with two kids and a dog. Maybe they’d live somewhere rural, live out of the city. Hell, maybe they’d even move to America, live out West where no one would know them, live in peace and quiet. He wanted Isak to be a biologist, like Isak wanted to be. He wanted to be a film director, or maybe a film writer, he didn’t know. They would have a big house, with guest rooms so their friends could come visit every now and again. They would host a barbeque on the fourth of July, like Even had seen in American tv shows. They would -

“You’re thinking too loud,” Isak grumbled, putting his hand over Even’s eyes. “Shhh.”

“I’m sorry,” Even said, weakly batting Isak’s hand away. “Just thinking about the future.”

“Do you and Sonja make up?”

“Ja,” Even said, tears forming in his eyes. “She and I become friends again, but she knows that my heart belongs to you. Me and you move to America so that you can pursue a career in biology. I become this famous but underground film director. We have two beautiful children, a girl named Vilde and a boy named Mikael. We have a golden terrier who is always tracking mud into the house, but we don’t really care. I…”

“Even?”

“Ja?”

Isak kissed Even’s cheek. “I love you.”

Even smiled. If this were a regular relationship, Even didn’t think that Isak would have said it that soon. Isak would have probably waited a few more months, but they would have said it with their eyes, with their bodies, with the little touches. Even would probably say it first, probably after great sex or an emotional talk or having a bad episode. He would say it with all his normal, functioning heart, and Isak would smile and say it back, beaming at him but rolling his eyes and calling him a doofus. He would-

“Even,” Isak said. “You’re thinking too deep.”

“I love you, too,” Even replied, and let his tears fall. “I love you so much.”

Isak smiled against Even’s shoulder, shuffling closer and wrapping his arm around Even’s waist.

“Do you wanna know what I think is happening in a parallel universe?” Isak asked.

“What?”

“I think that another Even and Isak are staring at each other in bed, like we are now, but they’re in Isak’s apartment. Even had just spent the day there, sleeping and playing video games before Isak got home from school.” Isak raised a hand to fix his cannula. “Even is telling Isak that he’s a bad liar, telling him that he knew Isak asked his roommates to look after Even. Even is laughing, he knows that Isak did it out of love.”

Even smiled and kissed his Isak gently, slowly. “I think they sound happy.”

“That’s what I think about when I get sad,” Isak whispered. “What a parallel universe Isak is doing right now. Is he sad? Is he healthy? I make myself care about him so much that I care about myself.”

Even smiled again. “I think that parallel Isak is happy that you care about yourself because of him.”

Isak nodded, slowly drifting to sleep next to Even. “I think he’s happy I found you.”

***

Even woke up with Isak still wrapped around him. God, did he need to pee. Like, he had never need to pee this much ever before in his life. Detaching himself from Isak, Even stood and made his way to the bathroom, wobbling on his feet and catching himself on the wall. His head felt airy and empty. He had to hold himself against the wall while he peed, trying to stop himself from swaying too badly.

Making his way back to bed, the floor suddenly heaved under him, and Even fell. He crashed into the side of Isak’s empty bed, pushing it against the wall with a bang and waking Isak up in the process. Even’s head swam as he tried to push himself up, his arms buckling under his weight.  
Rushing feet came into the room, but Isak reached him before the night nurses. Isak’s hands were ice cold as they touched Even’s neck and arm, trying to help him up. The nurses gently moved Isak away before helping Even to his feet, walking him back to bed. His knees gave out once, but the nurses caught him before he fell, hauling him up.

“There you go,” a plump red haired nurse said, settling Even in next to Isak. 

Isak wrapped his arm around Even, holding him close to his chest. The red haired nurse shined a light into Even’s eyes, took his temperature, and hooked him up to an IV to get more water into his system. Make sure he wasn’t dehydrated. She bandaged his chin, which he had split on the floor, and told him to wake Isak up if he needed to go to the bathroom again.

About an hour later, Isak was shaken awake by Even.

“I need to go to the bathroom,” Even whispered guiltily. 

Isak nodded, getting out of the bed and going over to Even’s side to help him to the bathroom. It was a bit of a hassle, trailing an oxygen tank and and IV, but they made it with minimum injury. Even was less unsteady on his feet but still needed help standing when he peed.

“You know,” Isak yawned. “This isn’t how I thought I’d see your dick for the first time.”

Even laughed, tucking himself back into his pajamas and flushing the toilet. He washed his hands and dried them, wrapping an arm around Isak’s shoulders as they walked back to the bed.  
Even woke Isak up two hours later, and their night fell into a routine. Every one or two hours, they would wake up to go to the bathroom, Even’s arm around Isak’s shoulders.

“Why do I need to pee so much?” Even asked, looking over at Isak leaning against the sink.

“You do have a drip in,” Isak said. “That could be it.”

“I don’t know,” Even said. “I mean, maybe, but I don’t think so. My hands and my ankles have gotten all swollen, too, which can’t be good, and I haven’t eaten anything today.”

Isak nodded, wrapping his arm around Even’s waist when he was done washing and drying his hands.

“Bring it up to your doctor tomorrow,” Isak suggested as they both crawled back into bed, mindful of their respected wires.

The next day, Even was woken up by another full bladder, but a foggy brain and heavy limbs made it hard to get out of bed. He slipped down from the bed, only remembering to pull his IV with him when he nearly ripped it from his arm. His legs were shaky but they felt like lead. He pushed against the bathroom door, grunting like it was heavy, and stepped into the bathroom. As it did the night before, the floor bucked beneath his feet, and Even fell again, hitting his head on the rim of the toilet bowl, letting out a shout of pain.

“Even?” a voice called.

There was the soft padding of feet to the bathroom and a cute boy with curly blond hair was standing in the doorway. Even felt like he should know him, but his head was foggy and it hurt, and he needed to pee so bad.

“Even, why didn’t you wake me up?” the blond boy asked. He knelt next to Even, cold hands cupping his face. “That looks bad, Even you shouldn’t have… oh, baby.”

Even looked down at his crotch, where a wide wet patch was spreading. He felt tears in his eyes, and the blond boy who called Even “baby” with so much love wrapped his arms around him, mumbling soothing things into his hair.

“I'm gonna call a nurse, okay?” the blond boy said. “I'll be right back.”

Even nodded, letting the boy go. He waited there in the bathroom, crying and bleeding, in a puddle of his own piss. 

The cute boy came back with a nurse and a man who looked like a doctor. Even knew he recognised them, but he couldn’t put a name to them.

The man knelt down next to Even, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and helping him stand.

“Come on, Even, let’s get you into dry clothes,” the man said.

The blond boy, whose name Even was sure started with an I, watched on nervously, his brows furrowed. 

Even didn’t want the boy to be worried, and reached out to him as he passed. The boy took his hand and followed, he even helped Even out of his sweatpants and underwear. Even felt that he didn’t have to be nervous with this guy. They knew each other. Of course they knew each other. It was-

“Isak!” Even said, suddenly remembering. “You’re Isak.”

Isak looked at him with a concerned gaze. “Yes, I’m Isak.”

“I forgot,” Even said, guilt pooling in his stomach.

Isak raised his eyebrows in shock. 

“Memory loss?” Doctor Olson asked.

Even nodded.

“Has anything else been happening? I heard that you fell over last night, what was that?”

“I… it was like the floor moved. I was really dizzy, and I felt so heavy, and I just… fell.”

“Anything else?”

“I had to go to the bathroom a lot last night. And I haven't felt hungry for a few days.”

Isak nodded. “And his hands and ankles have swollen. You complained about it last night.”

Even nodded, squeezing Isak’s hand.

“Have you had any heavy coughing since you first got here?”

Even shook his head. “But my chest has been really hurting, and I almost couldn't breathe awhile ago. Me and Isak were kissing.”

Isak blushed. They hadn't really been kissing, Doctor Olson didn't need to know that.

Olson frowned as he took notes. “I want you to stay in bed from now on, don't do anything strenuous. Your heart can't take the strain, it's close to giving in, okay?”

“Don't sugar coat it then,” Isak mumbled.

Olson smirked a little. “I don't think that you'd be happier if I did, so I'm being straight forward. Stay in bed, Even, and if you need to go to the bathroom, make sure someone is with you.”

“What caused him to forget me?” Isak asked, looking a bit self conscious.

Olson out a hand on his shoulder. “It's not you. There wasn't enough blood pumping chemicals into his brain, making him forget. It's just something that comes with this, I'm sad to say.”

Olson left after one more nod to Even.

Even was embarrassed, but Isak didn't seem phased.

“Thank you,” Even said, curling against Isak’s side. “For not judging me for… you know, pissing myself.”

Isak shrugged. “I know what it's like. Like I said before, the chemo worked at first. I got healthier, but before that I was bad. I couldn't get enough oxygen to my brain, my body wasn't functioning properly. I pissed myself a couple times, once while Jonas was visiting. I thought he'd be so grossed out he'd leave, but he just helped me change my pants. He took care of me.”

“Thank you,” Even whispered, falling into sleep on Isak’s shoulder. “I mean it.”

“Don't worry,” Isak whispered. “I’ve got you, Even.”


	8. Merry Christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a bit short, but I promise that the next few chapters will be a bit longer. University has just started up again, and I am slowly but surely being bogged down with homework.

Even woke up slowly, feeling the comforting weight of Isak by his side.

“God morgen,” Isak whispered, nudging Even’s nose with his. 

“God morgen,” Even replied. “What time is it?”

“It's eleven thirty.” Isak snuggled closer. “Do you know what day it is?”

“Nei. What day is it?”

“It's Christmas Eve.”

Even cracked open his eyes, taking in the soft glow of the sun in Isak’s hair. “What?”

“It's Christmas Eve.” Isak smiled sadly. “I've been here for four months.”

Even frowned. “I've been here for…. almost two weeks.”

“Wow,” Isak said. “It's only been two weeks?”

Even nodded. “It's only been two weeks.”

***

Even slowly felt himself deteriorating over the next few days. He felt weak and fragile, he shook and he trembled. Isak was a presence in his life that never went away. Isak helped him walk to the bathroom, helped him walk to his appointments, helped him change. Isak took care of him in a way that Even had once found annoying, when it was Sonja and he didn't need the help. But now he needed the help, and Isak was only too happy to give it. 

 

Even’s parents spent almost the whole day on Christmas. Isak’s friends stopped by and gave Isak his gifts, who gave gifts in return.  
“How did you get out of this hospital to get us gifts?” Mahdi asked.

“There's a gift store,” Isak said.

They didn't seem to accept the answer, but they let it slide. Isak didn't go into any detail, but Even had a feeling he had bribed one of the nurses to go buy him things. Even had told his parents where his presents for them had been, and they brought them to the hospital so they could have a family Christmas. Even nearly cried when he saw that they had bought presents for Isak, too.

“Merry Christmas,” Even said, slowly, quietly, to Isak when everyone had left.

“I never thought Christmas in a hospital could be this good,” Isak said.

***

Even could feel that his body was failing. He could feel that he wasn’t going to survive much longer, he could feel it in his chest, in his bones. Isak refused to acknowledge it, and part of Even was thankful that Isak kept them talking about other things, but the other part of Even wanted to shake him and tell him to accept it.

“Isak,” Even began.

“I’m not having this conversation, Even,” Isak refused. “What about Vilde? About Mikael? Our dog and our house in America?”

Even smiled, watching as tears built up in Isak’s eyes.

“What about your underground movie fans?” Isak scrubbed at his eyes. “What about them, huh?”

“What about you?” Even asked.

“Yes, Even,” Isak said, his voice raising. “What about me? You think this is easy on me? You think that I can just accept it? I can’t, and I don’t want to, Even, you’re the only thing in my life that doesn’t hurt. But you’re hurting me now, and I can’t- I won’t...” Something in Isak broke, and he curled up on Even’s chest and sobbed, clutching his shirt, holding him closer. “You can’t fucking leave me, Even!”

Even wrapped his arms around Isak, tears pouring from his own eyes as he clung to him.

“I don’t want to leave you, Isak,” Even whispered, “I don’t want to leave you.”

They held each other, fully embracing their situations for the first time in a long while. They didn’t want to lose one another, didn’t want either of them to die. Isak hiccuped, trying to control his breathing, but the coughs returned full force, and soon Even was sitting up in bed, which he hadn’t done in a while, and holding his boyfriend through his struggling. Even felt himself tear up again, looking at how fragile Isak had become in the last few weeks he had been there.

Isak’s breathing settled, but he shook his head and pushed himself against Even’s chest again.

“I don’t want to be like this,” he whispered. “I don’t-”

“Even!”

They both looked up to see Doctor Olson skidding into the room, a wide grin on his face.

“There’s been a horrible accident, and four people died,” Olson panted, bending slightly to catch his breath.

“Oh?” Even asked, not seeing why this was good news.

“One of them had an AB negative heart.” Olson smiled again. “It’s being flown here as we speak. You’ve got to be prepped for surgery.”


	9. Beating a New Path

Even was rushed from his room, down to surgery, where nurses fussed over him, pricking his arms and hands so they could plug him into all sorts of machines. They laid him down on a special table, that really wasn’t all that comfortable, and put a mask over his mouth.

“Okay, Even, you’ve got to breath this in,” one of the nurses said, stroking his hair back. “This is going to put you to sleep during the surgery, but you’ll be just fine, okay, honey?”

Even nodded, his head starting to feel foggy and his eyes starting to droop.

“Where’s… Isak?” he managed to ask.

“Isak’s waiting back in your room,” the nurse answered. “He’ll be able to visit you in recovery after, okay?”

“Okay…” Even closed his eyes, feeling sleep taking him.

***

There was a moment when Even felt something sharp in his chest, and he tried to say something, tried to tell whoever was there with him that he was hurting.

“More gas,” he heard Doctor Olson’s voice saying.

Soon he was slipping back into the comforting warmth of unconsciousness, and the only thought in his head was Isak’s name, repeating itself slowly.

***

Even woke up a full thirty four hours after his surgery. His chest hurt like a mother fucker, but he didn’t care. He was alone in his bed, alone and cold. Where was Isak? Where were his parents? Where was-

“Ah! You’re awake!” It was Doctor Olson at the door, smiling down at him. “How do you feel?”

“Like someone ripped my heart out and put a brick back in it’s place,” Even croaked. 

Olson laughed. “Yeah, you might feel that way for a while.”

Even smiled. “Where are my parents?”

“I sent them home,” Olson explained. “Having them here all night and all day wasn’t doing you any good and it wasn’t doing them any good. I’m going to call them soon saying that you’ve woken up, but in the meantime, I was guessing that you’d want to see Isak?”

Even nodded, looking towards the door, expecting Isak to make a dramatic entrance. 

“Unfortunately,” Doctor Olson started. “Isak had another episode where his lungs had too much liquid in them.” Olson placed a hand on Even’s shoulder. “He’s going to be okay, I sent a nurse to go check on him this morning when he didn’t come down to visit you. He wasn’t breathing, but he’s going to be okay. They’ve drained the fluid from his lungs and his doctor is keeping a close eye on him. Doctor Vann is very competent, I fully trust her.” 

Even nodded. Olson sat down in the chair next to his bed, looking at his patient with a soft smile.

“You really like him, huh?”

Even nodded, smiling slightly. “He’s wonderful.”

“You do know that he’s very sick, right?”

Even nodded again.

“The chemotherapy hasn’t been working for him, so Doctor Vann is going to change him over to radiation therapy. If that works and the tumors in his lungs shrink enough, she thinks that there might be the possibility of surgically removing the tumors.” Olson kept his eyes fixed on Even. “Do you know why I’m telling you this?”

Even shook his head. “Nei.”

“I’m telling you this so you know what might happen with Isak. He’s very sick, and he might not make it. He’s fought for a long time, and when he got diagnosed he was nearly dead. Isak is a stubborn man, and I’ve seen that you are, too, but there is a difference between being strong together when you’re in the same situation and being strong together when you’re not.” Olson took a deep breath. “Do you understand?”

“You think that it would be a good idea for me to step back? For me to leave him because we’re not both sick anymore?” Even scowled at his doctor. “Fuck you.”

And Olson smiled. “That’s what I wanted to hear.” He stood, reached out to pat Even on the shoulder, and began to walk to the door. “I’m going to go call your parents. They’ll be here soon. If Doctor Vann permits, I might even be able to get you down to see Isak in a few days.”

“A few days?”

Doctor Olson stopped at the door, his hand resting on the doorframe. “I’m not letting you out of that bed until I know that the heart has at least taken for the short term. I’m not letting you leave this hospital until I know that heart has taken for the long term. I’m not letting you go home tomorrow and then have to be rushed back in because you’re body has rejected the heart.”

Even’s hand crept up his chest. “Okay.”

**

Even’s mother was in tears when she rushed into the room, his father not far behind. His father was crying, too, reaching out to touch his son’s hair and face, his shoulders. They were touching him like they had lost him, and they almost had, Even thought with a leap of guilt.

“Mama, papa,” he said, holding up his arms to them. 

His mother gently wrapped her arms around him, trying to hold him tight but not at the same time.

“Oh, my baby,” she whispered. “Oh, my brave baby boy.”

Doctor Olson was stood at the door, looking in with a small smile on his face. “I can give you some time if you’d like?”

“Nei,” Even’s father said, his broad hand warm on the back on Even’s head. “Come in, I want to thank the man who saved my son’s life.”

Doctor Olson bowed his head. “Please, I wasn’t alone. My nurses kept him alive, he kept himself alive, Isak kept him alive.”

Even’s dad nodded but pulled Doctor Olson into a bear hug nonetheless. Olson laughed and returned the hug, smiling at Even over his dad’s shoulder.

“So, Even,” Olson said when he was let go. “Feeling any better than a few minutes ago?”

Even nodded. “I feel better for having my parents here. But I don’t feel physically better.”

“I wasn’t expecting you to,” Olson said. “But emotional health is just as important as physical health.” Olson stood at the foot of the bed as Even’s parents took the chairs on either side of the bed. “Now. I know and you know that this is just the beginning of the journey to recovery. I’m not going to bore you with the long latin names for the drugs, but I am going to prescribe you, excuse my phrasing, a shit tonne of drugs.”

Even chuckled, regretted it, and then didn’t. He was alive, and for the most part it looked like he was going to stay alive. Even was going to laugh until his chest hurt, talk until his throat was dry, kiss Isak until he was high on it. 

“You’ll have to take them for the rest of your life,” Olson said. “I understand that you’ve been prescribed lithium and geodon for your bipolar disorder?  
”  
“Ja,” Even answered. “My therapist says that they are doing wonders for me.”

Olson smiled. “I sense sarcasm. Anyway, the new meds I’m prescribing shouldn’t have an effect on those meds, but if they do I want you to tell me immediately. I don’t want you to have to go through hell because you have so much medication.”

Even mother brushed a hand across her cheek. “When will we be able to take him home?”

Olson looked uncomfortable. “I want him to stay for another six weeks, just to make sure that his body doesn’t reject the new heart. After that he should be able to go home. Unfortunately, he won’t be able to go back to school for about three months, and he won’t be fully healed for six months.”

Even’s dad nodded. “We’ll take care of him.” He looked at Even, cupping his hand against his son’s cheek. “We’ll take care of you.”

“How was the surgery?” Even asked, wanting to change the subject. “Easy going?”

Olson shook his head. “If that heart hadn’t been brought in, you most likely wouldn’t have survived the day. When we were taking your heart out, it fell apart. We had to catch the pieces in a bucket.”

Even grimaced, feeling suddenly sick to his stomach.

“Ja,” Olson said. “You came very close to dying.”


	10. We'll Be There Soon, Okay?

Even was allowed to see Isak three days after he woke up. The only reason he was allowed was that they were both being moved back up to their room, Even from recover and Isak from intensive care. Even was wheeled over to his bed in his wheelchair, where he crawled back into his bed, pulling his blankets up his chest. He could feel his new heart working hard to pump blood to his limbs and his brain. He hadn’t realized how heavy he had felt, how useless he felt before.

Isak was wheeled in a few minutes after Even, and he gave a shout of surprise and joy when he saw Even. The nurse wheeled him over to his old bed, but Isak protested.

“Nei, nei,” he grumbled. “With him, with Even.”

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” the woman pushing his chair said.

“Emilyyyyyyyy!” Isak pouted. “Please?” He gave her puppy dog eyes.

“As your doctor, I want you in your bed so you can heal,” Doctor Vann said. “And I’m sure that Doctor Olson would want Even to heal better in his own bed, too.” 

“But I sleep better with him,” Isak argued.

“I do, too,” Even supplied.

Doctor Vann sighed, pushing Isak over to Even’s bed.

“I would have thought that you would be in recovery,” Vann said. “Why did Olson bring you back up here?”

Even shrugged. “I asked him to. He wanted me to stay in recovery but I said I’d be more comfortable here.”

Even held out and arm for Isak to curl up to his side. Isak was careful to avoid putting too much pressure on Even’s chest, resting on his shoulder instead. Doctor Vann bustled around for a short while, setting Isak in and making sure that all the wires and tubes attached to the boys were safe and well secured. She left as the boys were settling into each other.

“So,” Isak said. “New heart?”

“New heart,” Even agreed. “Broken sternum.”

“Ohh, poor baby,” Isak mocked lovingly.

“I’m gonna get better,” Even told him. “And I’m gonna force you to get better, too.”

“Force me?” Isak asked. “How are you going to do that?”

“I’m going to smother you with love, make you go to your appointments with the radiologist, make you eat even when you’re not hungry.” Even pulled Isak closer into an one armed hug. “Okay?”

“Yeah,” Isak said, letting his eyes fall shut. He had a small smile on his lips. “Okay.”

***

Even did as he promised. The next day, the first day of Isak’s radiation therapy, he nearly pushed Isak out of bed. 

“I can’t get up, my whole chest is broken, I have to rest,” Even argued. “But you have to go. Get healthy, get better.”

And he did. Isak went to the meetings three times a week, came back tired but determines. A week into the treatment he had another scan to see if his tumors had shrunk, to see if he was getting better. Even waited patiently in their room, hoping Isak would come back with good news.

When Isak did come back, he had a nervous energy about him, and he was holding the handle of his oxygen tank very tightly.

“So?” Even prompted gently. “How is it?”

“It’s… okay.” Isak said. “They haven’t gotten any bigger.” He nodded to himself. “The tumors in the lining of my chest cavity have gone, which is good, but Doctor Vann said they weren’t all that big to begin with.” He sat down next to Even on their bed. “The ones in my lungs are resisting the treatment still, but I have less fluid build up than before.”  
“That’s great Isak,” Even said, holding out an arm for Isak to lay with him. “That’s really good.”

“I don’t know, though,” Isak admitted. “Doctor Vann is happy that the ones in my chest have gone, but the ones in my lungs are stubborn. They haven’t gotten any smaller since I started chemo, and that was awhile ago.”

“Maybe the chemo was keeping them the same size. It wasn’t getting rid of them but it was keeping them at the same level so you wouldn’t get worse.”

“Maybe.” Isak traced a finger lightly over Even’s chest. “How are you feeling today?”

“I feel like,” Even started. “I feel like my fingers are filled with pins and needles. I hadn’t noticed that they had been numb almost the whole time I was here, and now that my blood is pumping correctly, I am actually getting feeling back. My heart is pumping blood to all my organs, which is making them work correctly again, so I don’t have any water retention anymore.” 

“Good!” Isak said, smiling at his boyfriend. “No more swollen ankles and hands!”

Even nodded, laughing. “That’s right! And how do you feel?”

Isak shrugged. “I feel okay. Still not up to my full potential, but I don’t know if I ever will be again. Even if I survive my cancer, there will be irreversible damage to my lungs, which will probably mean, if I don’t get new lungs like you got your new heart, I’ll lugging around this goddamned oxygen tank all my life.”

“I think you’ll be fine,” Even said. “With the tumors gone, you won’t have anything blocking your airways, will you?”

Isak shrugged. “I don’t know. My lungs have been damaged by all the years of breathing in smoke from my dad’s cigarettes, so I don’t really know if they’ll ever be the same again.”

Even pulled Isak closer to him, resting their foreheads together. “I think you’ll be fine. Things will get better.”

***

Things didn’t get better. Things took a turn for the worse very fast.

Even was in physical therapy when he heard nurses rushing around out in the corridor, trying to regain strength in his arms and his shoulders. He wasn’t going to lift anything heavier than a cat or a small dog before his sternum was fully healed, but Doctor Olson wanted him to start the PT so that his arm muscles would get stronger in the meantime.   
Even looked out into the hallway to see nurses rushing a gurney towards the bank of elevators, one of them manually pumping air into the unconscious patient's lungs. Even watched in detached horror, wondering who it was on the gurney.

“Oh, dear,” Doctor Edgar said. He was one of the physical therapists in the building, a balding middle aged man with one hell of an attitude towards healing. “I hope they’re okay.”

Even was just about to turn back to his work when he say a familiar red snapback fall off the gurney. He was up and into the hall way faster than advised in is condition, and running towards the hat.

It was definitely Isaks.

Even followed the nurses towards the elevator, trying to catch up, ignoring the pain in his chest.

“Please!” he shouted. “Please, wait!”

Doctor Vann looked up at him, recognizing Even after a few seconds. She instructed the nurses to keep going and ran back to Even. She put her hands on his shoulders, halting him in the process.

“Even calm down, you can’t be running around like this,” she said, holding him back.

If Even had been as strong as he was before his heart had started to fail, he would have been able to brush her aside easily and follow the nurses down the the intensive care unit. Now, though, he was out of breath and sweating, his hands shaking as he held Isak’s hat.

“Please, I can’t… he’s got to be okay!” And Even was crying, being held by a woman he didn’t know, and terrified out of his mind.

“He will be,” Doctor Vann said, a hand running through Even’s hair. “He’ll be just fine. I’ll do everything in my power to get him healthy again, I promise.”

Even didn’t remember being brought back to his room, but suddenly he was in bed, clutching the red snapback as if it gave him life.

With a jerk of his head, he realized Isak’s phone was vibrating, signaling an incoming call. Even reached for it, saw it was Jonas and answered.

“Hello?” he said.

“Yo, Isak!” It wasn’t Jonas, it sounded like Magnus. “There’s this hella awesome party going on just a block away from the hospital, you want us to come visit?” He sounded drunk, maybe even a little bit high. “Yo, Isak? You there?”

“It’s not Isak, it’s Even,” Even replied, feeling his eyes burn with tears once more.

“Yo, Even!” Magnus yelled down the line. “There’s this hella awesome party going on just a block away from the hospital, you want us to come visit?”

Even heard a grumbling voice on the other end of the line and suddenly Jonas was talking. “Sorry, Even. Magnus stole my phone.”

“It’s okay,” Even whispered, openly crying again. Or maybe he hadn’t stopped crying yet, and this had been going on since he was in the hallway with Doctor Vann. “It’s okay.”

“Hey, dude,” Jonas said. “Are you okay?”

“I… no, I’m…” Even let out a sob. “It’s not me, I’m fine, it’s just… Isak, he’s…”

“Something happened to Isak?” Jonas’ voice was strained. “Guys, shut up!” he yelled at Magnus and Mahdi. “Even, what happened?”

“I don’t know,” Even said. “I just saw him being wheeled away, his hat fell off, he’s in… he’s in critical condition, down in intensive care. I don’t know what happened, and they won’t let me go down to see him.”

There was silence on the other end of the line, until, “Shit.”

“Ja,” Even agreed. “Shit.”

“We’ll be there soon, okay?” Jonas said. “We’ll be there soon.”


	11. Rovalpituzumab Tesirine

By “we”, Even thought Jonas meant him, Mahdi, and Magnus, not the whole parade of people filing into the room. Most of the people were in party clothes and looked like they had been having a good night. Even felt guilt pooling in his stomach when he saw all the worried faces.

“Even,” Jonas said when he spotted the other boy. “I was just down stairs, they won’t let us visit him, either.”

Even shook his head. His tears had dried a little while ago, leaving him with a heavy numbness spreading over his body. Jonas noticed and corralled all his followers into the hallway again, and closed the door behind them. He sat on Even bed and pulled him into a hug, one that Even didn’t reciprocate, but one that Even needed.

“Hey, he’s gonna be okay,” Jonas said. “This has happened before, and he was fine after that. He’ll pull through, you’ll see.”

Even nodded mutely.

“Sorry about all the people,” Jonas said when he let go of Even. “We were having a party, and Isak’s old flatmates were there, and we were there, and Isak’s other friends were there, and when Eva saw me and the boys rushing out, she asked us what was wrong, and I shouldn’t have told her but I did and-”

“Jonas, you’re rambling,” Even interrupted. “It’s okay, if we can go see Isak he’ll be happy you’re all here.”

Jonas nodded. “It it okay if I let them back in?”

Even nodded, pulling his blanket up over his chest. Jonas opened the door and the rest of Isak’s friends flooded in, buzzing around and talking to each other, trying to get information.

“Guys!” Jonas yelled. They all shut up. “This is Even, he’s Isak’s roommate and his boyfriend.”

Everyone was looking at Even, who felt like he was being dissected by their eyes.

“Well,” Jonas said. “Introduce yourselves.”

This galvanized those who Even didn’t know, and they formed a sort of line.

“Hi,” said one girl. She was wearing a hijab and a stony expression. “I’m Sana. Me and Isak had biology together last year.”

“Hi,” Even said.

The next three were other girls.

“Hi, I’m Eva.”

“Hi, I’m Noora.”

“Hi, I’m Chris.”

Even replied in kind, shaking hands. He never knew that Isak had so many friends. Or maybe Isak didn’t know.

The next one was a guy, dressed in tight gold leggings and a black crop top. “Hi, I’m Eskild. Isak used to rent a room in my apartment.”

“Hi,” Even said. “It’s nice to meet you.”

The girl behind him had lanky blond hair. “I’m Linn. I used to live with Isak.”

Even shook her hand.

The last friend to introduce herself was a wavy blonde haired girl, with wide eyes and a bright smile. She sat down on the edge of Even’s bed and gave him a hug.

“Hi,” she said, pulling away. “I’m Vilde.”

“Vilde?” Even repeated.

A house in America, a big yard, a little girl and a little boy playing with a golden terrier, running around as Even filmed them. Isak was sat on the porch swing, laughing as he finished up some papers. Mikael and Vilde came running towards Even, throwing their little arms around his legs, pulling him to the ground.

“Ja,” the girl said. “My name is Vilde.”

Suddenly, the house was gone, the little boy and the little girl were gone, Isak was gone.

Even felt the pain and panic rising in his chest, felt his heart beating too fast, felt his hands begin to shake. He was breathing too hard, looking at this girl. Vilde, his girl, or Vilde, the girl he didn’t know?

“Even?” Jonas asked. “Are you okay?”

“I-Isak’s… he’s…”

Vilde wrapped her arms around Even again, holding him close to her. “Shh, it’s okay. He’ll be fine.”

Even wrapped his arms around this girl he had just met, closed his eyes, and cried. He cried for Isak, for himself, for their future. But mostly, he cried for Vilde and Mikael, two children he created in his mind, two little kids who didn’t even exist. He cried for them.

***

Isak’s friends had all fallen asleep somewhere in the room, while Even stayed awake. Eve, Noora, Chris, and Sana fell asleep in what had been Isak’s bed. Linn was sleeping spread across three chairs. Magnus, Mahdi, Jonas, and Eskild had fallen asleep on top of each other on the floor, a puddle of boy. Vilde was curled up next to Even, letting the older boy cling to her, knowing that he needed it.

Doctor Olson came to visit the next day, and made a sound of surprise when he saw all the people.

“You do know that visiting hours ended last night?” he chuckled when they all had woken up. “And don’t start again for another few hours?”

“They came to see Isak,” Even croaked. “But they couldn’t see him, so they came up here.”

Olson nodded. “Speaking of. Isak has been asking for you, Even.”

Even sat up, detangling himself from Vilde. “He has? Can I go see him?”

Olson’s brow creased. “Do you remember what we talked about when you woke up? About you and Isak?”

“Ja.”

“What did you tell me to do?”

“I didn’t tell you anything, I said fuck you.”

“Do you still stand by that statement?”

“Of course I do,” Even argued.

“Good.” Olson took a deep breath. “You can go see him. But it’s not pretty. Doctor Vann doesn’t know how long he’ll-”

“Shut up.” It was Sana, standing up from Isak’s bed. “Shut up and take us to see him.”

Olson nodded, waving for them to follow him down to intensive care. They did, all of them quiet. Vilde took Even’s hand, smiling up at him. When Olson reached Isak’s door, he halted.

“Are you sure about this?” he asked.

They all nodded.

Olson opened the door, letting them inside. Even was the first in, the first to see Isak. His eyes were closed, his chest rising and falling rapidly, a look of pain in his face. Even sat next to him, taking his chilled hand in his own. Isak clenched his fingers around Even’s but didn't react to his presence in any other way. He was wearing a full breathing mask, a tube snaking from under the sheets to a bag of what looked like amber beer. Even knew it must be the liquid in Isak’s lungs, and he felt a little sick. Not because he was repulsed by the liquid, but because he felt so powerless in the face of what Isak was going through. 

The monitor that Isak was hooked up to showed a racing heart beat. Even brought Isak’s hand up to his mouth and he kissed it, hoping against hope that Isak could feel him there. Hoped he knew that he was beside him, holding onto him.

There was a scuffle near the door and Isak’s parents were there, his mother’s face pale and sweaty. She was panting like she had run there, which she probably had. She walked into the room slowly, coming to stop at the other side of the bed to Even, staring down at her struggling son. She lifted her hand to touch his forehead, stopped, turned, and left. Isak’s dad didn't try to stop her, just came into the room and sat in the chair farthest away from Isak. Even noticed that Isak’s friends hadn’t come into the room, they were watching from the door.

“You can go in,” he heard Doctor Vann say. “It's okay.”

Jonas was the first to come in. When the room felt like it was close to bursting, Even felt Isak’s hand twitch, and he was opening his eyes, staring at the faces around him. He gave a small smile before he grimaced, trying to breathe but finding that he couldn't. Doctor Vann weaved her way through the people, trying to find out what was wrong with Isak.

“Sir,” she said, looking at Isak’s dad.

He didn't respond.

“Sir!” she yelled.

He looked up at her, away from Isak. “What?” He scowled. “Can’t you see I'm mourning for my son?”

“Mourning?” Even asked. “Mourning?!” He stood, holding Isak’s hand too tightly. “He’s not fucking dead!”

“What do you know? Look at him! If he’s not dead yet then he’s going to die soon. Why bother?”

“Why bother?” Doctor Vann asked. “Why bother? This is your son, don’t you care about him?”

“Of course I care!” Isak’s dad had started to cry. “I’m the reason he’s in this mess, why wouldn’t I care? My son is suffering because of my selfishness, because of my mistakes! Wouldn’t it be kinder to put him out of his misery?”

“No!” Even and Doctor Vann yelled in tandem.

“Do you want to know what Isak would go through while he died?” Vann asked cruely. “He would feel pain in every nerve of his body as his cancer spreads. He wouldn’t be able to breathe as his own body drowns him. He would die in pain, knowing that we could have saved him and knowing that you, his own father, didn’t lift a damn finger to try and keep him alive!”

Even was staring at Doctor Vann with fear curling inside his throat. He would not let Isak die.

He let go of Isak’s hand and stepped towards Isak’s father slowly, and softly said, “Mr. Valtersen, you don’t have to give up.”

Isak’s father looked up at him with red eyes. “What?”

“You don’t have to give up.” Even was in front of him now, taking his hand and pulling him towards Isak. “This is your fault, but you can be the one to try to fix this. Be here for him. Don’t run away anymore.” He placed Isak’s hand in his father’s hand, and took a step back.

“What…” Mr. Valtersen took a deep breath. “What can we do?”

Doctor Vann shook her head but smiled. “There’s an experimental drug, it’s called rovalpituzumab tesirine. I don’t know if it will help Isak, but it can’t hurt to try.”

Isak’s father nodded, and Doctor Vann called up to someone in the hospital, who it was Even didn’t really care. Soon, though, someone was forcing their way into the room with IV bags that looked like that they used for chemotherapy. Doctor Vann hooked the bags up to the drip, making sure that the tube was securely connected to Isak’s arm.

“It will take at least twenty four hours before we see any change,” Doctor Vann said, looking down at Isak, who had returned to unconsciousness, still struggling for air. “I suggest that those of you who can go home do so now. I’m sure you’ll find out Isak’s state like you did this morning. Now, if you don’t mind.” Doctor Vann turned to face the group. “I have a patient upstairs who needs my help, so I will bid you all a good day.”

They watched her leave.

“I think that I’m going to go home,” Noora said. “We won’t do him any help by waiting here doing nothing. He’d want us out there, doing stuff.” She looked at Eva. “Right?”

Eva nodded. “Isak wouldn’t want all this attention, he’s always been that kind of guy.”

Jonas nodded, too. “I think it would be best if you went home. You guys go and get some sleep, we all stayed up pretty late.”

Eva, Noora, Linn, Vilde, Sana, Chris, and Eskild all filed out, saying their goodbyes and getting their assurances that as soon as Even knew anything new about Isak’s condition, he would call them in. That left Even, Magnus, Mahdi, Jonas, and Isak’s father, who was still holding Isak’s hand.

“I haven’t held his hand in a very long time,” he said, sitting in the chair Even had recently vacated. “He was three, I think. We had gone to Disney World, in America. I nearly had a heart attack because I thought we’d lost him.” He was smiling fondly down at his son. “I miss those days.”

Even sat in another chair, on the other side of the bed. Magnus and Mahdi sat on the end of the bed, and Jonas pulled a chair from out in the hallway up next to Even.

“Would you mind me asking how he went for so long without anyone noticing he was sick?” Even asked.

“We noticed,” Jonas said. “But Isak would just say he hadn’t slept very well, or he had been caught out in the rain and had gotten a cold. But his colds always turned to pneumonia, so we knew that something was up. Isak has never been open about stuff about himself.”

Mahdi nodded. “He never ate, or he ate too much, he wouldn’t sleep, or we didn’t see him because he slept three days straight. He lived with Eskild and Noora and Linn for a while, and we all just thought that he was being a lazy teenager like the rest of us.”

“When he moved back in with his mum,” Mr. Valtersen said quietly, “we stopped talking. He accused me of not caring about either of them, which I do, it’s just… hard sometimes. His mother was sick, she still is, but not the way Isak is. When he moved back in with her, he used all his free time to take care of her, to make sure she ate, to make sure she got out of bed. She screamed and threw plates and hit him, but Isak took it in his stride and kept helping. It wasn’t until Isak hadn’t gotten out of bed for two days that she went to investigate.”

Even looked intently at Isak’s dad. He didn’t seem to realize he was talking, he was just letting it all out.

“She called me, saying that Isak had died, there was blood everywhere and she couldn’t wake him up.” He shook his head. “When I got there, I called an ambulance. Isak was barely breathing, he had coughed up so much blood. I held him… I held him in my arms and rocked him, I sang to him, my little boy…”

Even glanced over at the other boys. They all had the same guilty look on their faces, Magnus had tears in his eyes.

“We knew that something was wrong,” Jonas said, his voice scratchy. “We knew that he wasn’t okay, but he kept brushing us off. He kept telling us he was okay.”

“We just thought he was stressed out, you know?” Magnus asked, his voice thick. “We thought that because he had moved back in with his mother he was stressed out because of her. He wasn’t eating because he was making sure that she ate.”

“Isak takes care of others before he takes care of himself,” Even said. “I know. He helped me a lot before my surgery.”

Isak mumbled something in his fitful sleep. He turned his head towards his father and mumbled again, but no one could make out what he said.

“When Mr. Valtersen called the ambulance we had just been on our way to see him,” Mahdi said after a pregnant pause. “We saw them wheeling him out on the stretcher, trying to get him to breathe again.” Mahdi shook his head. “There was blood on his chest and his face. I’ll never get that image to go away.”

“We thought he’d died,” Magnus said, freely weeping now. Even noticed the others were crying, too, a gentle trickle of tears. “And we hadn’t done anything to get him help.”

But Even shook his head. “You helped a lot. I don’t think Isak would have fought for so long if he hadn’t had you guys.”


	12. My Miracle

The next twenty four hours came and went. Even had been ordered back up to his room by Doctor Olson, who had gone to the room to check on him but had found him not there. He had missed two meals, but he really hadn’t, seeing as he had slept through one and Magnus had somehow snuck McDonald’s into the hospital. They had eaten in the hallway so as not to get anything on Isak’s bed. Even had forgotten what grease smelt like and had to swallow saliva that had pooled in his mouth before he could eat. He hadn’t had a burger in so long, and he missed it. That being said, a big Mac wasn’t the best burger he’d ever had, but at the time he had been hard pressed to think of better food at the time. Even had been forced to stay in his room for the majority of the time that Isak was in intensive care. He had missed Isak’s new scans. He didn’t really think that there’d be any results this soon, but he wished he had been there anyway. Even was pissed, to be honest.

When Olson had given him a check up, Even went to his hour of physical therapy and then took a shower, seeing the stitches on his chest for the first time. He had only just been allowed to take off his bandages, and he traced his fingers over the stitched, feeling the ridges of the string against his chest.

Even made his way down to Isak’s room, pushing his hair out of his eyes. He could feel his palms sweating as he walked, his heart thumping fast in his chest the closer he got. He didn’t know what to expect. Isak could have not changed at all, or he could have plummeted overnight and died. Even hoped he hadn’t died.

The sight that met him when he stepped into the door was something he hadn’t thought he’d see.

Mr. Valtersen was in Isak’s bed, propping his son up against his shoulder, reading to him. Isak still had the full face mask on, but his eyes were open and the machine showed that his heart wasn’t frantically beating anymore.

“...had not pained Harry for nineteen years. All was well,” Mr. Valtersen said, and closed the book. “Did you enjoy that?”

“I haven’t read any of the other Harry Potter books, but thank you for telling me how it ends,” Isak said jokingly. “You read the whole thing over night?”

Even smirked and leaned against the doorframe, watching Isak tiredly lean against his father.

“Yes, we had to hear him read you the entirety of Deathly Hallows,” Magnus mumbled, curled up against Jonas in one of the chairs at the side of the room. “I fell asleep when Ron left, woke up when they were in the Lestrange’s vault.”

“I missed the whole battle of Hogwarts,” Mahdi grumbled.

“I missed the whole book,” Even said.

Isak looked over to him, smiled brightly but weakly, and held out an arm to Even. He walked into the room, took Isak’s hand and brought it to his mouth. He kissed Isak’s hand, leaning his cheek against it after. Isak gripped Even’s shirt loosely, trying to pull him closer. Even sat next to him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders.

“How are you feeling?” Isak asked, putting a hand on Even’s chest.

“I’m fine, how are you?” Even asked. “You scared me.”

Isak shrugged. “I can breathe.”

“I can fight!” Magnus whispered on the other side of the room.

“Shut your mouth with that Fairly Oddparents shit,” Jonas snapped.

***

Even stayed with Isak for the next few hours. He ate ice chips and slept, but he leaned against Even for comfort. Mr. Valtersen smiled at Even over Isak’s head.

“How long have you known each other?” he asked. 

“We met each other here,” Even said, nuzzling his nose against the side of Isak’s face. “I was moved into his room when I first got brought here.”

“He snores,” Isak mumbled.

“I do not,” Even laughed.

“Yes you do.”

Doctor Vann stepped into the room with a wide smile on her face. “I have some news!” She held up an x ray, showing a pair of lungs with several white patches. “The drugs have already started working! Your tumors are smaller, and some of the small ones have already disappeared.”

“My miracle,” Isak mumbled. He smiled.


	13. Let Me Make You Feel Good

Isak’s miracle didn’t end there. Soon after Doctor Vann’s discovery, Isak got moved back up to his old room, where he happily snuggled up next to Even and slept peacefully and unmedicated for the first time in five days. Even held him but couldn’t sleep, terrified that he’d wake up and find Isak gone. Either gone from the hospital or dead in his arms, and Even didn’t want to think about that, so he stayed awake to make sure Isak was okay.

“You don’t seem to be doing as well as a few days ago,” Doctor Olson said, peering at Even’s test results from the day before. “Your recovery progress has slowed down.”

Even shrugged, stifling a yawn.

Doctor Olson noticed though. “Have you been sleeping well?”

“Well…” Even started. “Whenever I start to fall asleep I think about waking up with Isak there and I can’t sleep. And I know it’s not healthy, but I can’t lose him again.”

Olson sighed but nodded. “Believe it or not, I know how you feel. I won’t separate you two because that would probably do you both more harm than good, but you’re going to have to sleep soon, Even. You need to be well rested to recover.”

Even nodded, feeling a little guilty. He knew that he had to sleep.

Later that night, when Isak came back from radiation, Even pulled him in for a hug.

“You’ll be here in the morning, right?” Even whispered when they were laid next to each other. 

Isak’s brows dipped, a confused look on his face. “I am every morning.”

“I know but…” Even swallowed. “If I go to sleep, you’ll be here when I wake up?”

Isak frowned. “You haven’t been sleeping?”

Even shook his head. “Too afraid.”

Isak was silent for a while. “I understand. I will be here, don’t worry.” Isak kissed Even’s nose, bringing a hand to cup his cheek. “I’ll make sure I’m here for you.”

***

Isak kept that promise. When Even woke up next, it was still dark and Isak was sat next to him, playing on his 3DS and frowning.

“Damn Electrobuzz,” he grumbled, shaking his head.

“Pokemon?” Even croaked.

“Yep,” Isak answered.

“What time is it?”

“21.30.”

“I’ve been asleep for an hour and a half?”

“Nei.” Isak smiled down at him. “You’ve been asleep for a whole day. Doctor Olson told me that if you didn’t wake up by 22.00 then I had to call him.” He laughed at Even’s surprised face, but leaned over to give him a kiss. “My sleepy baby.”

Even smiled into the kiss. “Baby?”

Isak blushed but nodded. “Baby.”

Even pulled Isak’s 3DS out of his hand and put it on the table next to the bed, leaning up and over Isak, trying to keep kissing him the whole time. He had to look over to the table when he couldn’t find it, but continued kissing Isak after he had.

“What are you doing?” Isak asked, his eyes a little glazed over.

“Shh,” Even said, smiling. “Let me make you feel good.”

Even kissed down Isak’s neck, stopping to suck and nip at the soft skin, leaving a dark red mark in his wake. He felt Isak huff out a laugh and shake his head, but he kept going. He pushed Isak’s shirt up and pulled it up over Isak’s head, and that’s where things went wrong.

“I’m stuck,” Isak laughed, his shirt bunched up around his head.

Even laughed along, pulling the shirt back down. Isak reached up and took off his cannula, smiling almost self consciously at Even in the process. Even cupped Isak’s cheeks in his hands, looking at his beautiful boy and drinking every feature of his face in. Isak looked down and pulled his shirt over his head, exposing his chest. Even ran his hands down it, fingers ghosting over soft skin, pebbled by goosebumps. Isak gasped quietly, watching as Even took in his figure. Even leaned forward and kissed the middle of Isak’s chest, trailing over to his nipple and flicking his tongue against it.

Isak gasped again, this time a little harshly, causing him to cough.

Even looked up at him and reached for Isak’s discarded cannula, softly slotting it back into place. “I want you to be able to breathe, Isak.”

Isak smiled and nodded. “Okay.”

Even returned to his lavishing of Isak’s nipples, licking and sucking until they were both hard nubs. He moved down, kissing and gently biting Isak’s skin, pulling soft breaths from the boy he was ravishing. He kissed down and around his belly button, flicking out his tongue to gain a gasp and smiling. He pulled down on the hem of Isak’s sweatpants, looking up at him once more.

“Is this okay, Isak?” he asked.

Isak nodded. “Yes.”

Even smiled and went back to pulling down his pants and boxers. Isak was hard, and when Even took him in his mouth, Isak let out a moan that Even never wanted to forget. His voice was pitched up, and he put a hand over his mouth to prevent himself doing it again, but Even reached up to take his hand instead.

Even hollowed his cheeks and bobbed his head up and down, feeling the head of Isak’s dick hitting the back of his throat. Funnily enough, he didn’t choke, and Even was pleased to figure this out. It would come in handy.

Isak’s free hand went to Even’s hair, holding on weakly and tugging. “B-baby…”

Even bobbed his head faster, running his tongue along the vein on the underside of Isak’s dick. He could feel Isak’s legs starting to shake next to his ears, could hear Isak’s breath catching in his throat.

“B-baby…” Isak moaned. “I’mma cum…. Ba-by…”

Even kept up his work opening his eyes to look up at Isak as he came. Hot cum filled his mouth and he swallowed most of it, some dribbling out of his mouth and down his chin. It was then that both of them noticed the frantic beeping noise in the room and only had a few seconds to right themselves before a set of nurses came rushing into the room.

 

“Isak, are you o-” one started, but she stopped when he saw both boys laid in bed, blushing and panting. Her eyes went down to Even’s chin, which he hastily scrubbed.  
“Were you…?” the other nurse started to ask.

Even nodded his head.

“Okay,” the first nurse said. “I can’t tell you not to, but please wait to do it next when neither of you are hooked up to heart monitor.”

They nodded, blushing.

The nurses left, leaving the two slightly mortified teens on their own.

“Oh my god, I can’t believe you did that,” Isak whispered. “Oh my god.”

Even smirked at him. “That good was I?”

Isak smacked his shoulder. “You are the worst!” But he was laughing and leaning back on the bed.


	14. I Will Miss You

Isak could go for three hours without his cannula. That was the newest development in his recovery. He wasn’t allowed to do strenuous work while he wasn’t wearing it, but he was allowed to walk around and talk and read and shower and play video games and kiss Even. Kissing Even without his cannula on was quickly becoming one of his favourite things to do. Even would run his thumbs over Isak’s cheeks, brush their noses together. Even would bite and suck on Isak’s lips, bringing small gasps from him. Isak loved it when they kissed, but he adored it when they just laid there, looking at each other and talking.

“What are you going to do when you get out?” Isak asked one evening. It had been on his mind for a little while, Even only had about a week left in the hospital.

“I don’t know,” Even answered, looking at Isak in that deep way he does, like he was looking through him and into him at the same time. “I won’t be going back to school. I missed too much, I’ll have to start over next year.”

“I won’t,” Isak said with a smile. “Because the boys have been bringing me my work and friends have been filming the classes, I know pretty much everything I need to move on to third year at Nissen.”

“I might transfer there.” Even nodded. “I don’t think my school will let me go back.”

Isak smiled. “We could graduate together.”

Even smiled back. “Yeah.”

When Even had fallen asleep, Isak ran a hand through his dark gold locks. He was happy to have met Eve, even with all the bad times they went through together. He wouldn’t give any of their times together away, even when he was convinced at least one of them was going to die. He just didn’t know what he’d do when Even left. Even had become such a huge part of Isak’s life in the hospital, and he was worried that when Even left, he wouldn’t want to talk to him anymore. They had met under such strange circumstances that Isak wouldn’t blame him if he wanted to forget all about him.

If that was what Even was going to do, Isak would be sad, but he wouldn’t make it hard.

***

When Even woke up, Isak was laid in his old bed.

“Was I moving around too much?” Even asked, rubbing his eyes.

“Nei, just…” Isak sighed. “Don’t want to be so clingy. Let you… leave, I guess.”

“What?” Even was up and next to Isak’s bed, placing his hand on the side of Isak’s face and gently turning it to face him. “I’m not leaving?”

“You will be, soon,” Isak said. “And when you do I don’t want to tie you here, so…”

Even leaned down and rested his forehead against Isak’s. “I want to keep being in this relationship, Isak, I love you, remember?”

Isak looked relieved. “Really? You don’t care that I’m still here when you won’t be?”

“Isak,” Even whispered, sitting down next to him. “Of course I’ll care, I’ll want you out there with me, but I won’t mind. You and I will make this work.”

Isak smiled gently and nodded, pulling Even closer to him.

***

Isak’s dad came to visit the next day, stepping into the room and quickly stepping out again. Even was between Isak’s legs again, head bobbing. Isak thought his heart had stopped when he saw his father, and he knew that the next few weeks would be incredibly uncomfortable between him and his dad.

“Oh my god,” Isak whispered, horrified.

“Yeah,” Even agreed.

“Can… can I come in yet?” Mr. Valtersen called.

“Ja,” Isak called back weakly.

Mr. Valtersen entered the room again, looking anywhere but Even. He trained his eyes on Isak, a blush on his face that matched his son’s.

“So,” he started. “How are you feeling today?”

“Good,” Isak answered. “I’m good. You?”

“Yeah, good.”

Even looked down at his hands and tried not to laugh at how similar the two Valtersen’s were. Both were bright red in the face, eyes wide, trying to ignore that anything had happened.

“Papa?” 

“Ja, Isak?”

“W-where’s mama?” Isak asked. “Why hasn’t she come to visit me?”

“She, uh…” Mr. Valtersen took a deep breath. “She’s having a rough time. She won’t leave the house. You know, like before.”

“Like when you left? Or when I got sick?”

“When you got sick.”

“Shit.” Isak rubbed a hand over his face. “She doesn’t think I’m dead, does she?”

“Nei, I’ve told her that you’re getting better.” Mr. Valtersen nodded. “She, uh… She sometimes asks me when you’re coming home.”

Isak shrugged. “I don’t know. I still have tumors in my lungs. I might need surgery.”

“Oh.”

Even looked over at Isak. “You’ll tell me when, right? If it’s after I leave?”

Isak smiled at him. “Of course I will.”

***

When the day came for Even to leave, he didn’t want to. His parents came to help him pack the clothes and few possessions he had in the room, but he wasn’t happy about leaving. He was glad that he’d get to sleep in his old bed again, but not looking forward to sleeping in the bed alone. Isak didn’t say anything while they were packing, just sat on his old bed and watched.

“We’ll take this down to the car,” Even’s mother said. She was beaming at her son. “And then we’ll be going home!”

Even’s dad seemed to pick up on the fact that Even and Isak wanted to be left alone. “We’ll see you down at the car, yeah?”

Even nodded.

After his parents had left, he turned to Isak, who was staring at the floor. “You’ll text me, right?”

Even hooked his arms around Isak, feeling Isak hold him back. “Of course I will. I have your number, I’ll text you so much you’ll tell me leave you alone.”

Isak shook his head. “I don’t want you to leave me.”

Even sat next to him, putting his hands on Isak’s cheeks. “I will never leave you, okay? I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Isak whispered, tearing up. “I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you, too.”

They kissed, sad and sweet. Isak nipped at Even’s bottom lip, drawing out a moan from the older boy. When Even pulled away, he was crying, too.

“I’ll text you soon, okay?” he said.

Isak nodded but didn’t trust himself to speak. When Even left, he laid down on his bed, breathing in Even’s scent. It was then that he realized he was wearing one of Even’s sweatshirts. He wasn’t ever getting it back. He heard his phone vibrate, and he smiled when he saw it was from Even.

Even  
Do you still know who I am?

Isak  
Cute guy who got a new heart?

Even  
;P 


	15. We'll Figure Something Out

Even woke up in his own bed, alone and cold. He sat up, feeling physically better than he had since he left the hospital, but also emotionally worse. He had texted Isak every day since he got home, sending him gifs and funny posts from tumblr and reddit, but he hadn’t gotten out of his bed much. He took his medications on time, ate when he parents called him down for meals, went to the bathroom when the urge took him. 

There was a knock on his door. “Even?” It was his mother. “I’m going to come in, okay?”

“Okay,” Even said.

When she came in, she sat on the edge of his bed and stroked his hair. “Are you feeling okay, sweety?”

“Nei, mama,” Even answered. He had learned over the years to be truthful about how he felt, whether it was physical or mental. “I miss Isak.”

“I know, honey.” She smiled down at him. “How about this? When you go for your check up tomorrow, we go see him? And then we’ll go get some dinner, how about that?”

Even nodded. “Okay, mama.”

***

The next day, Even still didn’t want to get out of bed. He pulled himself up, though, took his meds, took a shower, and ate whatever it was that his parents put in front of him. He didn’t really remember the trip to the hospital, or how the check up went. He could remember wanting to run away, run to Isak and just sleep.

“You wanna go see Isak now?” his mother asked.

Even nodded and followed her to the elevators. He hadn’t told Isak that he was coming to visit, hadn’t even told him that he was going to be at the hospital. When they got to the room, Even heard laughter and recognised Jonas’ voice. He listened for a few minutes, wanting to hear Isak’s voice, but he didn’t. His phone vibrated.

Isak  
The boys are here, do you want to come visit? It’s okay if you’re busy.

Even smiled. He pushed open the door and stepped into the room, drawing the attention of the boys in the room.

“Yo! Even!” Suddenly his arms were full of Magnus. “It’s awesome to see you!”

Even patted his back, smiling back at him. When he was let go, Even went to Isak’s side, letting himself be pulled into the bed beside that blond haired beauty. Even wrapped his arms around Isak, resting his head against the younger boys’ head.

“I think that’s our que, guys,” Mahdi said, standing. “Nice to see you again, Even.” He nodded to Isak as the other boys followed in suit. “See you later, Isak.”

“See you,” Isak said. As soon as the boys left, Isak was kissing Even, hands on his face. “God I missed touching you.”

“I missed you, too,” Even whispered. “Let me stay here with you. Don’t make me leave.”

“I won’t,” Isak whispered back, kissing Even again. “I don’t want you to leave.”

Even sighed in relief, laying down next to Isak and pulling the smaller boy towards him. Isak snuggled up to him, resting his head in the crook of Even’s neck.

“You’re not wearing your cannula,” Even noticed. “Why?”

“I don’t need to,” Isak answered, smiling. “I only wear the mask when I go to sleep. Doctor Vann says that I won’t need to do even that soon.”

Even smiled. “Good. I want you healthy.”

Isak rolled his eyes but smiled. “So. What’s up?”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re down. Is it because of me? Or is it just the cycle of how it goes?”

“It’s just the cycle of how it goes. I didn’t really have any manic or depressive episodes when I was here, I was asleep most of the time anyway. I think it was just time for the episode to catch up with me.”

Isak nodded. “I’m sorry.”

Even shrugged. “It’s not your fault.”

“I know.” He placed a soft kiss on Even’s cheek. “Do you think they’d let you spend the night?”

“Nie,” Even sighed, pulling Isak closer. “Do you know if you’re getting the surgery yet?”

Isak nodded. “I was going to send you a text tonight. Vann wants to do it soon, monday she said. In the morning. Then I might be able to go home two weeks later.”

“So you might only have three weeks left in this place?”

“Ja.” Isak didn’t seem happy though. “I can’t go back to living with my mama again. And my papa lives about three hours away. So I can’t live with him and go to Nissen when I get out.”

“Don’t worry,” Even said, already formulating a plan. “We’ll figure something out.”

***

It wasn’t hard getting Eskild’s number. Jonas asked Eva who passed it on.

“Hala?” Eskild said when he picked up.

“Hala, Eskild, it’s, uh, it’s Even?” Why did it come out like a question? “Isak’s boyfriend.”

“Ah!” Eskild said. “Ja, I know you! How is he?”

“He’s okay,” Even said. “Might be out soon.”

“That’s great!” Eskild whooped into the phone. “So, Even, what can I do for you?”

“I was wondering if Isak’s old room is available to rent?”

“Well, kind of yes and kind of no.” Eskild sighed. “Isak obviously moved out when he went to live with his mother, but I couldn’t rent out the room. It was Isak’s for so long, you know? So I can rent it to him if he wants it again, but I won’t rent it to anyone else.”

“What about renting it to me and Isak?” Even asked.

“Move in together?” Eskild made a noise that sounded like air being let out of a tire. “Ah! That’s so sweet! I have to text him to congratulate him on finding such a sweet boyfriend!”

“Nie!” Even stopped him. “It’s supposed to be a surprise. I want to move his stuff into the room with his dad’s help and then move him into the room when he gets out of the hospital.” Isak’s dad had agreed wholeheartedly to help Isak and Even move in together.

“Oh my god!” Eskild moaned. “You’re too good. Of course I’ll rent the room to you!”

“Takk!”


	16. And They Did

Even woke up early to go to the hospital the following monday. He was feeling better, felt the spring to his step more than usual. When he got to Isak’s room, he found his boyfriend sat up and breathing heavily.

“You came,” Isak said when he saw Even.

“Of course I did.” Even sat next to him and pulled him close. “I have a surprise for you.”

“What is it?”

Even pulled out a shiny blue gift bag. “I thought of you when I saw it so I had to get it.”

Isak pulled the gift paper out of the bag, reaching into the bag and pulling out a blue snapback. It boasted the Superman logo in the front, and Isak laughed when he saw it.

“I’m no superman,” Isak said, pulling the hat on over his golden curls. “But I love the hat.”

“You’re my superman,” Even whispered into his neck, kissing the soft skin under his mouth. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Isak whispered back. “You… you’ll stay during the surgery, right?”

“I’ll be right outside the operation room.” Even nuzzled his nose against Isak’s cheek. “I’ll be right next to you in recovery. I promise.”

And he was. When Doctor Vann came into the room to get Isak ready for surgery, he stayed in the room, and walked with Isak down to the operation room. Isak refused to take off his hat.

“It makes me feel good,” Isak said, blushing.

Doctor Vann smiled at him. “Okay.”

The surgery took five hours. Even sat outside the room, staring at the wall opposite him. He waved to Doctor Olson when he passed by, but didn’t speak. He checked the time on his phone every thirty minutes, hoping that soon Doctor Vann would take Isak to recovery. He must have fallen asleep at one point, because suddenly Vann was shaking his shoulder and smiling down at him.

“You can go see him now.” She led him to the roo. “He won’t wake up for a few more hours as the medicine wears off, and he might just sleep through the day like you did, but I know he wanted you there.”

Even sat next to Isak’s bed, watching him intently for a very long time. Every twitch of Isak’s fingers caused him to sit up straighter, but it would pass and Isak would remain asleep. When Isak did wake up, Even had fallen asleep again, and Isak reached out a hand to poke him awake.

“Hey,” Even said. “You’re up!”

“Ja,” Isak whispered. “How long was I out for?”

“Including the surgery, about twelve hours.”

“You stayed the whole time?”

“Of course, why wouldn’t I?”

Isak’s eyes filled with tears, and he smiled at Even. “I love you.”

Even leaned over and brushed away his tears. “I love you, too.”

There was a knock at the door, and Mr. and Mrs. Valtersen were stood there.

“Mama, papa,” Isak said. “You came.”

“Of course we did,” Isak’s dad said, coming in and taking Isak’s hand. “We love you, kid, we wouldn’t miss out on seeing our son recover.”

Mrs. Valtersen came into the room, her whole body shaking. “You’re… you’re.” She smiled. “I’m sorry.”

Isak nodded. “I know, mama.”

***

The next few weeks seemed to pass both very fast and very slow. Isak was gaining strength every day, could even run down the hallway outside his room twice before getting too winded. He smiled and talked more. The last day he was at the hospital, Doctor Vann called him in for one last scan.

When Isak saw Even walking to the room, he ran at him, catching the older boy around the waist.

“Woah!” Even said, laughing. “What’s up, Isak?”

“I’m cancer free!” Isak said, hopping up and down a little. 

“Oh my god!” Even pulled Isak back against him. “Isak! This is great!!”

Isak laughed and cried, pulling Even into the room. “I’m getting out of this place!”

Even nodded. “Your dad is coming to pick us up?”

Isak nodded, pulling clothes out of drawered and stuffing them into the suitcase Even had dropped off the day before. He pulled down all his photographs and pictures, taking a short moment with each and smiling at them. When he was all packed, Doctor Vann came into the room and gave Isak a tight hug.

“I can’t wait to hear from you, Isak,” she said. “Telling me all about the things you do while you grow up, tell me about the long and healthy life you live.”

Isak nodded, looking up as his ded entered the room.

“Ready to go?” he asked.

Isak and Even nodded.

***

“You missed the turn, papa,” Isak said, looking out the window. “Mama’s house is that way.”

“We’re not going to mama’s house.”

“I have another surprise for you,” Even whispered in his ear. “You’ll see.”

And Isak did see. They pulled up to Eskild’s apartment, and gathered in front were all of Isak’s old roommates.

“Welcome home!” they yelled.

“What?” Isak asked, looking at Even. “Is this…?”

Even nodded. “Is this okay? Me and you, here?”

Isak threw his arms around Even’s neck and kissed him, hard. He was smiling and crying, thanking Even and holding on to him tightly.

Later that night, after they had partied and settled in, after they had kissed their way to bed, Even held Isak close to his chest.

“What are you thinking about?” he asked.

“The future,” Isak said. “Can we still move to America one day?”

“Of course,” Even said, placing a kiss on the crown of his head. “We’ll get that big house in the middle of nowhere, you’ll become a huge famous biologist, I'll become a famous underground film director, we’ll have two kids, and we'll have a dog, just like I said.”

And they did.


	17. He Would Always Find Isak Beautiful

Even was sitting in a rocking chair out in the back porch if his house. The back garden spread out before him with its rolling tiny hills. There's a swing set at one end, a sand box at the other. The fence around the property is tall, painted a deep burgundy, and scratched where the dog had tried to get out. The sky was clear, a few wispy clouds trying to form. There was the smell of cooking meat on the air, and laughter floating in the breeze.

Even was working on his latest film. He didn't know what he wanted to call it yet, and maybe he wouldn't name it at all. It was a love story, but it differed from his favourite Baz Luhrmann films. The lovers didn't die in the end, but they almost died several times along the way. Even wanted to make it real, to make it good. To make it true. He knew that-

“Papa!” 

Even looked up from his laptop. A little girl, seven years old, was tugging at his sleeve.

“Ja, Vilde?” he asked.

“Where's papa?” she asked. “I wanna see papa.”

“Isak is at work, sweetie.” Even picked her up and held her in his lap. “Are you looking forward to school next week? First grade, that's something, huh?”

Vilde nodded. “Mikael says I won't fit in, but I think I'll make more friends than he did!”

Even smiled. “Of course you will.”

“When is papa getting back from work?”

Even shrugged. “Maybe six? He’ll be home for supper.”

Vilde smiled. “Yay! Can we have pizza?”

Even raised an eyebrow. “You had pizza for lunch.”

“But papa doesn't know that.” Vilde giggled the way seven year olds do, and curled herself up on her father's chest. She yawned, nudging her head into the crook of his neck.

“Papa?”

“Ja, Vilde?”

“Du elsker papa?”

“Ja. Og, jeg elsker deg.”

Vilde smiled and fell asleep.

***

Later that night, when Mikael got back from his friends and Isak got back from work, the four of them sat down for a dinner of fresh vegetables and fish cakes.

“My friend Adam never had fish cakes, papa,” Mikael informed them, his spindly nine year old arms bent awkwardly to reach his plate. “They have chicken nuggets for dinner.”

“Well,” Isak said, serving himself some potatoes, “Adam’s family is American, aren't they?”

“Ja, so?” Mikael asked.

“We’re Norwegian, your papa and I.” Isak smiled down at Mikael. “Do you understand?”

Vilde nodded, bouncing excitedly in her chair. She had her feet tucked under her so that she could reach her food. 

“It means that we have a different culture,” she said. “We eat different, and we speak different.”

Even smiled. His children spoke Norwegian, he and Isak had taught them it alongside English. They didn't sound Norwegian, though. They sometimes had the lilt of the accent when they spoke their native tongue, or when they were upset, but they had been exposed to too much American tv and culture.

“That's right, Vilde,” Isak said. “But we are all people.” He smiled at Mikael. “How about this? We’ll go to the market tomorrow and we can buy some chicken nuggets?”

Mikael nodded, smiling widely. “Sounds good!”

***

Even was brushing his teeth before bed when Isak shuffled into the bathroom. His hair was wet and tangled from his shower, but he looked refreshed.

“Halla,” Even greeted.

“Halla,” Isak replied. “How is your film coming?”

“Good.” Even spat out his toothpaste and washed his brush before planting a kiss on Isak’s cheek. “How is your research?”

Isak shrugged. “I think we’re close maybe finding a cure, but we keep running into snags.”

Even wrapped an arm around Isak’s waist, pulling him close. “You wanna talk about it?”

Isak sighed. “Nei, I just want to go to bed.” He grinned mischievously at his husband. “Vilde and Mikael are asleep. Wanna…?”

Even raised an eyebrow. “Why of course.”

***

Hours later, after Isak fell asleep, Even was watching him sleep. The tears washed away when Isak was asleep. The lines on his forehead were gone, and there didn't seem to be any weight on his shoulders anymore. His golden lashes fanned out on his cheekbones, casting minute shadows.

After all those year, Even still found Isak beautiful. He would always find Isak beautiful.


End file.
